What this book is about
Don’t let the name fool you: The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child: With No Pills, No Therapy, No Contest of Wills is a good system of healthy motivation, using appropriate and relevant praise, that gives any child a reason to want to learn new habits and behaviors. Even starting with this method, with or without the rewards chart, at a young age will create a happy child (and parent) that know how to get things done.

Why this method is different
The beginning of this book chronicles conversations Kazdin has had with parents who have come to him for help with their children. He addresses most reservations that parents have with regards to his methods so they can get on-board with his method. Sure, you’ve done star charts, attempts at positive speaking, dangling tangible rewards in front of your child to motivate them but they still won’t cooperate or listen to you.

This method comes out of a scientific approach to how humans are motivated and uses relevant, appropriate praise, touching, etc. to encourage your child to want to comply without feeling manipulated or bribed.

Potential uses
You can use this to affect behavior and specific or general habits:

• Bedtime routines
• Morning routines
• Cleaning up
• Getting along with siblings
• Taking care of pets
• Setting the table for dinner
• Staying in bed after lights-out
• etc.

My experience
I was at the end of my rope with my youngest, who is very strong willed. I had tried as many positive things as I could think of and the only things that motivated her was fear or the promise of getting something that I didn’t want to give her (i.e. candy). Talk about a no-win situation. This book really helped move past our contest of wills and contributed to her being more considerate, thoughtful, helpful, and wanting to contribute. She even started doing things we didn’t even ask her to do. What a joy!

Praising reservations addressed
I remember listening to Kim John Payne at a school event some years back. He mentioned how inappropriate praise can cause the opposite affect and how inappropriate praise is used to develop post traumatic stress syndrome in military personnel during basic training (causing post traumatic stress syndrome is the only way to get someone to kill another human being, so I’m told).

The Kazdin Method uses APPROPRIATE praise that is specific to what your child is doing in the moment and offered as soon as they start the desired behavior. To counter the possible affects of my daughter seeking approval outside of herself (one of my concerns around praising her a lot, but better then fear methods) I point her back to herself to look inside for her own internal sense of self and approval when she comes looking to me for validation. You know what I mean: follow your guidance and you’ll always do the right things with your children.

Alternatives
Imagine the alternatives that a lot of parents resort to: threatening, instilling fear, making the child feel unsafe, punishing. None of these are desired nor do they ultimately work. They all backfire in the end.

Read the book and watch the DVD for yourself
Don’t take my word for it or follow my sketchy explanations of the method as I’ve mentioned them here. I tried to explain it to my husband and we watched the included DVD together but he is still reading the book to really understand it and be able to use it.

Conclusions
The Kazdin Method will help you regain your role as parent as well as allowing you to have more fun with your children. What a stress reliever. My daughter and I are now enjoying each other so much more.

View book details at Amazon.com: The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child: With No Pills, No Therapy, No Contest of Wills

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