What’s a Cuddle Party?
Cuddle Parties are facilitated gatherings where adults come together to cuddle. Far from being a free-for-all, Cuddle Party facilitators start with an orientation where rules are set and exercises bring connection and feelings of safety. Want to get a hug? Just ask. Want to give a hug? Just ask. Cuddlers wear PJs and congregate in a living room or other comfortable space to touch, talk and cuddle. And Cuddle Parties have been going on for the past 5 years. From ‘s Cuddle Party’s Website: "Cuddle Party is a playful social event designed for adults to explore communication, boundaries and affection. The brainchild of two relationship coaches, Cuddle Party was conceived in February 2004. Since then, Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski have sought to bring clean, safe, welcomed affection to the world through these events."

My experience
Arrival and set-up
I’ve known about Cuddle Parties since Edie Moser told me about them a couple of years ago and I always wanted to go. It never worked out for me to go until just recently. I arrived to find a snack buffet and people dressed in their jammies, ready to cuddle. We all signed in, got name tags, were told when we would start and that the process would be explained once we started. I felt well-informed and comfortable. After everyone arrived and signed in, we proceeded to our cuddling location. The living room of the house hosting the event had been set up with mattresses, pillows and blankets, in addition to the couches, chairs and rugs already in the room. We were given an orientation of the house, what the house rules were, where the bathrooms were, where to go for snacks, that it was okay to get up, walk around, go to the bathroom, get a snack or leave if we had to. We introduced ourselves, said why we were there and what we hoped to get out/bring to the Cuddle Party. Then we got into the Cuddle Party rules. Set perfectly within the explanation of the rules were exercises specifically designed to make people feel comfortable in addition to sharing with each other and practicing saying, "no". Being able to say, "no" is so important that we each got to practice it 6 times. We told each other what our boundaries were, what type of touch we like and what type of touch we don’t like. After everyone understood the rules and had started connecting through the exercises, we were ready to cuddle!

The Cuddling
Our cuddling blossomed out of the last exercise in the orientation where we were all falling into each other. But I found myself asking someone if I could massage her shoulders and while I was doing that someone asked if he could massage mine while I was massaging hers. We had all said, "yes" so we started massaging. There were requests for many different types of touch during the 3-hour cuddling session, including hair stroking, hand holding and foot massages. Every time someone wanted to move on to something or someone else, they were very considerate of the person they had been cuddling with before moving on.

I was surprised that there was so much talking during the cuddling, but I just hadn’t thought about it much before I went to one. It makes sense, though, and lots of interesting conversations were had and overheard.

What I especially liked
Everyone was responsible for themselves, asking for what they wanted, being honest with saying, "yes" and "no" and everything else. This took a lot of pressure off those of us who feel a need to be reciprocal when someone does something nice for us. Therefore, I knew if someone was sitting off to the side, and wasn’t asking for anything, that they would ask when they needed or wanted something, or when they got over whatever was keeping them from asking for what they needed or wanted. It was freeing for me because I realized I wasn’t responsible for everyone’s happiness. (I think a lot of mothers have that feeling of being responsible for keeping the party moving and making sure everyone has a good time.)

Added benefit
One thing Edie told us was that this is also therapeutic. She was right. I got over several fears I had along with a lot of beliefs that weren’t working for me. It raised my level of awareness of how touching can affect someone’s mood and outlook on life. I can also imagine how great this would be for people who have intimacy problems they are ready to get over.

After affects
As I was driving home I found I was more forgiving with drivers and the people around me. It was amazing. And when I got home that night I found myself wanting to touch my family more and finding more opportunities to touch. I had this happy glow and felt wonderful.

I became more aware of touch. I saw a friend of mine in a store a few days afterward and noticed how it positively affected me when she stroked my back in greeting when she saw me.

When the next Saturday rolled around, I wanted to have the experience again and considered how nice it would be to have a weekly cuddle practice. I guess if I lived in an intentional house like Trellis House, (where we had the cuddle party), we could cuddle every day to our mutual benefit. Maybe we’ll plan a family cuddle each night before bedtime. That would be nice. Or maybe I’ll just have to become a Cuddle Party Facilitator to get enough cuddling.

Conclusion
I really enjoyed the Cuddle Party and plan on going to more, taking my husband with me. I think that going alone and going with your partner can be both healing and opening for the relationship. This can be a really wonderful experience for many people, positively altering their experience of touching and being touched.

The End
At the end of the Cuddle Party, Edie announced, "You’re no longer strangers. Now you’re just strange!" And strange we all are: in our society to be willing to reach out and touch someone, honoring values and boundaries while still nourishing ourselves and others in a loving, thoughtful way. Now that’s strange, and wonderful and beautiful.

Cuddle on! and let’s change the world, one cuddle at a time.

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